THIS, TIMES A THOUSAND!
You think you know a guy. After about a month of people screaming at us that A) Rick Perry is a monster, B) Rick Perry is going to be the next president, and C) Rick Perry has an elephant dong (OK, that was us yelling at us), the Texas governor’s Spider-from-Goodfellas-esque performance at last night Debatathon has effectively ended his campaign. Seriously, it’s over. It’s done. Quit! The election cycle is spinning in overdrive this year* and despite the early acclaim, it’s looking more like Candidate Perry will soon be retired to the lint trap of national political history. Not that it’s all bad news for Republicans, who like their men blustery and willing to brow-beat fat cat social studies teachers: There’s still Chris Christie.. and he’s got the Bill Kristol stamp of approval.
Next. Man. Up!
*That’s actually not really true at all. It’s just something we say to make you think what’s happening now is somehow different than in the past and so more demanding of your attention. In reality, the cycle is “spinning” at about the same rate as 2000 and 2004 and 2008. It’s just that GOP field is so hilariously awful that it requires a semi-weekly injection of new flesh to prevent the narrative’s stalling — one can only write about how terrible these people are in so many ways on so many days of the week. For instance, this.
The Dark Fields would like to report its first ever endorsement: All of Our Considerable Weight has been thrown, by us, behind the Communist from Massachusetts, Senate candidate Elizabeth Warren.
“It sounds like she wants to lead a proletarian revolution,” an operative for her potential opponent, Scott Brown, told The WaPo’s Chris Cillizza, who took a break from tweeting about the intersection of our inner and outer worlds to credulously transcribe this next sentence:
“Her radical views on wealth redistribution may sound good in the classroom, but they fall flat in the real world.”
Ah yes, the real world: Where seven strangers are picked to be put up in a multi-million dollar house in the middle of a major urban center and fed gallons of liquor so that television producers can record the idiocy that ensues when they stop being polite and start night-vision-humping bar groupies.
We have to agree with the Scott Brown Hack, Elizabeth Warren would totally fall, flatly, in that place. But luckily for the former head of TARP’s consumer oversight panel, she is not pushing for any real world position. Ms. Warren simply wants to be a U.S. senator.
And in her pursuit, she has our full support.
Losers: Us! Waa Waaaaa! Even if it did come from Rick Santorum’s Leaky Anus, that any presidential candidate with even a bit of support could suggest the country’s “Pakistan Problem” may be solved by tightening relations with exiled former president Pervez Musharraf — and not be laughed off stage — bodes poorly for this Whole Thing We Have Here.